Posts tagged with "mymind"


As I am writing this, I am 19 years old and a virgin. I mention the latter because that is what this blasphemy is about. It’s 3:30am and I have just realized that I probably won’t ever take someone else’s virginity. I’m not sure if that is a big deal or not for obvious reasons. I might not ever be as special to someone as they’ll be to me; and that bothers me. Lmfao I feel like I’m getting a late start to everything in life and everyone is already way ahead of me. Guess I’ll see how behind I stay. I think it’s been two years since I wrote feelings on tumblr but idk this one felt necessary.


Okay so, I’m in twitter jail, and I’m really bored so I’m gonna write about a gift. I thought it be nice to give someone a gift, I really don’t  want to reveal who the person is or what the gift is. Let’s just say this person is special, and it’s something they can use almost everyday, that’s all I’m saying. Well yeah, the gift it something I know they’ll love and I’m excited to give it to them. I’ve never been so excited to give someone a gift. I’m gonna buy it with my next paycheck, it’s $45 dollars. That’s pretty cheap. I mean it’s a gift, the price shouldn’t even matter but yeah. Now that I have a job, I don’t want to buy shit for myself like that, I wanna spoil someone else, and I will. When I was little, I always thought I was gonna enjoy receiving more than giving, but it’s not even like that. Giving is way better, I don’t like people wasting money on me, because I don’t feel like I’m special enough to even deserve it. But if I give you a gift, you’re something to me, you gotta be. I don’t expect anything in return, but just appreciate it, if you don’t then there is no point of me giving you anything else ever again. If I give you a gift and you don’t like it, you should tell me. It’s a rare that I’ll give you a gift that you have no idea about. Alright I’m done, it’s 11, twitter jail should be lifted. HOLLA.

P.S. If you wanna give me a gift, that’s fine but ask me what I want, don’t try to guess.

Class Night Cypher Part Dos:

Bleh, class night was yesterday but I was too tired to post this shit, so yeah. I guess it was successful since I won. :) But they loafed on trophies this year. The year I participate in a fucking event and fucking win, they don’t give fucking trophies. Alright so, since I already had prewritten shit, before class night even started I went to ask Sara what beat they were using, she said she didn’t know. I then asked Stephanie and she told me it’s Acapella, I was down for that. Then when we were about to start, Merisa told me I had to choose a beat, I freaked the fuck out. So, I listened to some beats that Michael had on his phone, then just told him to give me whichever. So, when the cypher started these niggas said I was gonna be given a theme. My theme was fucking “MELTED ICE CREAM IS BETTER THAN REGULAR.” so I was like I’m gonna have to go off the dome about melted ice cream. I was so nervous, I can’t even remember the beat. So my rap was:

"Melted ice cream, I like ice cream. You scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream. Melted ice cream, isn’t that just milk? No, I’m not a rapper but my raps smooth like silk." 

That dumb shit was enough for me to advance to the finals since the freshman didn’t really say shit. So, in the finals they told me no themes, no beat, 1 minute, just you. I was relieved because I could say what I had already wrote. So my second rap was:

"No I’m not a rapper, this just a hobby. 2012 deep like we crowdin’ the lobby. The last class to win it all twice was 2010. 2012 won it last year, we tryna win it again. They say hope for the best, prepare for the worst. I only wish Bryant could be here for May 31st. We’re winnin’ tonight, without a doubt. Like the senior shirts say "Seniors, Rollout!"

So yeah, even though I didn’t use everything I wrote down, I didn’t have to, and Seniors went on to win class night. Class night was fun but the only bad part was that I had to walk home and I lost my glasses. So yeah I rapped infront of maybe like 200 students, I guess I can mark that on a future bucketlist. I guess I’m done.

P.S. I still wish I got a trophy.

Class Night Cypher:

So, I signed up for the Cypher at Class night, It’s 8 fucking days away, and I’m already nervous as fuck. Like, I can’t even imagine my self doing it. I signed up for because it’s like a bucketlist type of thing. I’m not a rapper. I can spit the occasional lines, but I could never like make a song. I’ve never even rapped in front of more than three people, but May 3rd I will have to rap in front of like 500 people, more or less, that thought itself is just killing. I haven’t even finished writing it either. Like, I’m thinking about so much shit, like, what beat is it gonna be, how long does it have to be, who are the judges, how many people are gonna end up signing up. Like, only 2 people have signed up so far, including me. It’s supposed to be one guy and one girl from each class, but that’s dumb it should have just been 2 slots per class, but whatever. Everyone has been sucking the other nigga, saying how good he is at freestyling, or rapping of the dome or whatever. Like, they’re making it worst for me. Only 1 person has heard me seriously rap, but I’m still some butt. I really think I have a shot of winning, if I make my rap all hype shit. You get a trophy if you win, I’ve never won a trophy before, so that’s another big thing. Well yeah, I guess that’s it. Topics I’m trying to cover in the rap: Bryant, Class night theme, my twitter name c:, Seniors winning, and some other stuff. 

P.S. You can’t win without trying, put yourself out there sometimes.

RIP Bryant Morillo:

Happy Birthday Bryant. It’s been about 14 months since you passed. I miss you son. Although before you passed we weren’t as close as before, you didn’t deserve that son. Son, no homo, your smile could light up a room. Even though I didn’t like the way you decided to live your life, you were still like family to me. I have no idea how I met you, just some Dominican shit, I guess. I remember you and Elizabeth used to come to my house and shit. I remember one time you took a picture at my house for your myspace profile, lmao I’m lame. I remember the week before freshman year I kept seeing you everywhere after like 4 years. First the little cookout at my house, then at freshman orientation, and then we bought our uniform on the same day, at the same place. Freshman year, everything was cool. Sophomore year, we had Biology together. Although you never went, we did have a nice talk the last week of school about how you were going to buckle the following year. I don’t know if you started to buckle down or not because we didn’t really talk much anymore, it got to a point that we weren’t even like family anymore, just niggas that went to school together. I regret letting that happen, but we were just two different types of people. Now that you’ve passed, there’s nothing I can do. A lot of people have pretended like they were your best friend and shit. I have no reason to pretend. It doesn’t affect me how people wish they were with you, I’m still gonna miss you the same. I’ve never cried as much as I did at your viewing. I just hate when people say you’re in a better place now because there is no better place than now, with your friends and family. So, I guess that’s it. Happy 18th birthday, really sucks where you have to spend it.

P.S. Ugh, I don’t know, I guess I just wish you were still here.

Today’s Trends/Hype:

I’ve never been one to follow the trends and shit. I’ve wanted to but the money was never there. Every time a new trend would start I would want to be a part of it, but I never seemed to buy the shit. Like Heelys; I always wanted a pair of Heelys, those shits looked fun as fuck, but I never got a pair. Now, I try to avoid the trend. I was actually close to buying a snapback, then I realized how pointless as fuck it is. I DON’T EVEN FUCKING WEAR HATS. Like, I never even bought a fitted, I never even knew what size fitted I wore. People are blinded by brand names. Like, niggas go crazy for fucking Obey and Supreme, but that doesn’t interest me. I don’t even know how box logos became the shit. I just want simple T-Shirts with no brand names on them. If I need to go to Old Navy to get a shirt, so be it. The whole USPA/Polo argument is idiotic to me, they’re both the same shit with a different label. I will never drop the Jordan trend though. I’ve always been a fan of Jordans, but like I said, the money was never there. I honestly think the Jordan trend is a phase. The phase will never end if JB keeps feeding into though. Nowadays, females look for the guy with the LV pouch, freshest Jordans, Hornets/Bulls snapback, $70 jeans, and maybe an Obey shirt. What am I wearing? $25 jeans, beat jordans from ‘06, a plain shirt (that I most likely can’t even remember where I got it from), and that’s just not enough in our superficial society. You guys really need to stop buying what you see on tumblr. You females need to stop looking for guys that look like the ones you see on tumblr. It’s just sad that in this society you’re labeled as either a hipster, a hypebeast, or a weird person because you don’t look like everyone else. I refuse to look like a clone, I’m just gonna look like myself. 

P.S. Fuck you. Sorry. Fuck hype.

High School:

It’s March and school is pretty much over. Like, I’ve been thinking a lot recently, “damn it’s been four years already.” I’m done. I can still remember my first day, walking into school, seeing unfamiliar faces, having Alex almost tackle me, scared the shit out of me. Honestly, I was scared, scared that I was gonna get picked on. A 4 foot 9 little nigga with an afro just sounds like the perfect target. Never got picked on, never got in a fight, never had any in-school drama. I was the weird little timid nigga, I mean I still am, but I’ve changed a lot. I cut the fro, grew a few inches, gained at least a little bit of confidence, ended up getting a girlfriend, dropped religion. I can just remember thinking “How will I fit in? Who will like me?” then realizing I didn’t have to fit in, people didn’t have to like me. Got out of my shell, told myself being shy and quiet will you get you nowhere. Going into high school, I just wanted to be remembered, but now I realize it’s not about how people remember you, it’s about how you remember yourself. I, at least, want everyone to remember me differently. High school was fun, learned a lot, met a lot of people. Honestly, if someone told me as a freshman how my life was gonna be, I would’ve believed him/her, I stayed true to myself. Honestly, I liked how I spent my four years; I didn’t get caught in a bad crowd, never smoked weed, never got “wasted,” never went to a skipping party, never had sex. My only regret is never playing any sports. Well that’s my high school story I guess, not really. I had more planned but I forgot a lot.

P.S. To you freshman: Don’t fuck up now; if you need something done, do it ASAP; and stay true yourself little nigga.

P.P.S. Rest in Peace Bryant Morillo.

Tyler, the Creator:

Honestly, I don’t understand why people hate him. He is just a person who acts himself and makes money for it. People don’t like Tyler, the Creator because he doesn’t talk about getting money and fucking hoes, all the time. People can’t handle how Tyler doesn’t rap about shit they wish they could do. People usually like the rappers who they can picture themselves emulating. I’m not saying I’d emulate Tyler, but I applaud how he stays true to himself and I’d emulate that. I’d pick Tyler, the Creator’s life over any other rapper’s any day. What’s better than doing ignorant hood shit with your friends and still making a lot of money? He is 21, has a tv show coming out, has 2 albums coming out, he’s been working with Kanye, won a VMA, he’s only gonna get more successful. Odd Future is the future.


I’m still a virgin and I’m not ashamed of it, no one should be. I’m honestly waiting for the right girl to lose it to. I want to wait for the right girl because I think that it’s a bond that should be shared with someone you love, not some fling. I’ve only been in two relationships, and in both of them the female was more on the promiscuous side and I don’t want that. I don’t want a girlfriend that wants to have sex a week into the “relationship.” Honestly, I am a little scared to lose it because I don’t even think I’m mature enough to handle it. Besides, my self-esteem is too low for me to just “hit it and quit it.” I don’t think I’ll be having sex anytime soon tbh. I do want to try having sex, to see what the hype is about, but I am in no rush.

P.S. If you’re still a virgin, don’t rush. If you want to lose it, go ahead.


Honestly, I have mixed feelings about cheating, some hypocrisies and a couple double standards. Like, I understand it’s wrong, but I can picture myself doing it. When I was younger, I always told myself I wouldn’t, that I would never need to. I feel like since my self-esteem is low it would push me to because I’m not used to girls telling me they like me. I don’t think cheating is about finding someone better, it’s more about not thinking you’re not good enough so you try to reassure yourself. Like, if you can maybe get a second source of affection it would help you think you’re better. I’ve never cheated on anyone, but I can’t say I never will. I’ve never made someone cheat, nor have I asked someone to. I have been cheated on, but it wasn’t shocking because I expected it. If a girl did cheat on me today, I know I wouldn’t do much but it does depends what she did though. I would never cheat on a girl by having sex with another girl, that’s just dirty. I was watching Maury which is why I thought of this stuff. This is just a little of what goes on in my head about cheating tbh. 

P.S. I do believe if you cheat once, you will cheat again.